Do You Want Me Dead
by LinkIsMyHero
Summary: Maybe Light just needs a little nip in the butt to make him realize what he wants. Or you know... a push off of a cliff.
1. Chapter 1

So this was originally made of two completely different stories but I combined them because they kind of fit and 1 plot line is much easier to slack on than two! Woo! So the first bit is in L's perspective like a prologue type thing, but the story will most likely be entirely in Light's perspective. The title is the title of an All Time Low song and it's pretty good. And if you don't like them, I DON'T CARE. Just come for the story, only the story. Plus I found the title amusingly appropriate. Anyways, read on, and I hope you enjoy!

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><p>The sigh that escaped Light's lips for the fifth time spoke more than words could.<p>

L glanced at the clock, 12 a.m., before finishing the last few sentences on the case notes he was working on and saving his document. He closed his laptop with a resolute clock.

Light's soft brown eyes turned on him with a gleam of hope shining in them.

The detective noticed the subtle changes in Light since he began helping on the Kira case while also undergoing L's suspicion. The lines around his eyes were more pronounced as well as the creases around his mouth. His hair had less of its glossy shine, the perfect posture he usually kept had a noticeable slouch to it. But most troubling of the changes were Light's eyes. They said that eyes were windows to the soul and if his were anything to go by, Light's soul was even more dim than the rest of him. It was troubling to say the least.

L wasn't sure where his care for Light's appearance or emotional wellbeing had suddenly come from, but he knew he felt uncomfortable whenever he saw Light slouch a little lower into his seat or sigh and rub his eyes before continuing with work again.

Of course Light was still a huge pain in the arse. He constantly complained and impeded L's work. Plus he was completely unproductive after two in the morning.

"I think we may retire for the night, Light-kun." L spoke solemnly as ever. But the small smile that tugged on Light' lips made him feel a little warmer inside. This also confused L but he shrugged as he followed the exhausted Light to their bedroom.

They changed quickly and as L went to reattach the handcuff to the teenager's wrist, he jumped back a bit when he saw the boy's bare torso. He glued his eyes to the floor as he reattached the cuff with fumbling fingers.

He cautiously approached the bed with the now semi-conscious boy in it.

He was utterly at a loss for the reason Light decided to sleep with his shirt off tonight. The room was no warmer than usual and he had plenty of clean night shirts in his dresser. Perhaps his mind wasn't lucid enough to fully function. This made L feel a little guiltier of his grueling work schedule.

L pulled the covers back and slid in with barely a sound or disturbance, wearily eyeing the sleeping form next to him.

He pulled his laptop on to his lap and opened it, letting his back rest against the headboard and his legs stretch out in front of him. It wasn't his ideal sitting position, but he would deal with it. Besides, the laptop was more for distraction than anything else.

L was quite successful in his diversion until the point in Light's REM cycle that led to him rolling onto his side facing the middle of the bed and throwing his arm around L's waist and pulling him to his body.

The ink-haired man was torn between embarrassment, irritation, and that troubling warm feeling in his stomach again.

He wasn't a goddamn teddy bear! …but he couldn't deny the comfort he found in having Light's warm arms wrapped around him.

Alarm bells went off in his head as he thought this and stared into the gentle face of his prime suspect.

The warm feeling, the embarrassment, his wish to please Light. L had never really had an attraction for anyone, he had better things to do with his time. But he knew enough about the world to understand what was happening.

He stared at the blank darkness in front of him as the reality of his situation fell on him.

"I'm in trouble."

That morning Light Yagami woke up feeling fantastic. His dark honey eyes opened to reveal the sun beaming it's rays of light onto his face, leaving a pleasant warmth. He had slept deeply and plentifully that night, lightening the dark circles that hung underneath his eyes.

He smiled at the ceiling, letting the sheer bliss of the moment envelope him before reality's unforgiving weariness took him again. He had always been a morning person, but as he sat comfortably in his bed, a sense of wrongness began to prod at him. Something was off about the glorious morning. The longer he sat with his eyes open, the longer something felt wrong. Finally, when the discomfort began to give him a strange feeling in his stomach, Light sat up from the warm cocoon of his bed. He looked to his right, suddenly remembering the reason for his confusion.

L lay in the bed next to him, the harsh lines of his face relaxed into a serene slumber that gave him a younger appearance. It struck Light that he had no idea how old L was. But he couldn't be all that much older than Light, which meant that he had accomplished a lot in his few years of life. But he wondered if L had ever done things beyond his career. Like go out and get drunk, spend all day at home watching movies in his pajamas, have his first kiss… that thought made his stomach feel strange, but he couldn't quite identify with the feeling. Maybe he found it humorous.

The face in front of him _was_ quite amusing. L's softened face almost made him look like a kit... Light could not dignify that thought by finishing it. I mean really, who would make the comparison of the great L to a… kit—no. He still couldn't do it.

After wrestling the obnoxious voice in his head back into submission, the teen realized that the strange feeling that had invaded his bliss moment was the gaping lack of L's dark gaze on him and the investigator's immediate demand for him to get up and get ready for work.

It was strange to see the man sleeping. In the few months that Light had spent chained to L, he had never seen the man sleep. He either fell asleep after Light did and woke up before him, or he didn't sleep at all. And as Light grew to know the detective and his inhuman qualities, he had favored that theory that L never slept at all. Which of course was ridiculous, and the proof that he was wrong was right in front of him. But it was hard to tell with L.

Light wrestled with the idea of waking the detective up or simply letting him sleep and trying to get even more sleep himself. As he lay back down, deciding that he deserved to be a little greedy when it came to his precious sleep, a soft noise had him opening his eyes once again.

Light looked to the door to see if maybe someone had meant to enter, but as the soft noise came again, he realized it had come from right next to him. Light focused his gaze once again on the sleeping detective to find his once serene face now contorted.

Shock overtook Light at the stark pain on L's pale features. He immediately sat up looking for pooling blood or something of that nature that could cause the look of pain on L's face. His frantic searching was stopped however when L shot up with a cry.

Sweat dripped down the detective's face, mixing with his inky hair and trailing to the nape of his neck. His white shirt clung to him in some places, sticky with perspiration.

L's thin frame trembled as his haunted eyes stared ahead into nothing.

"L-L?"

His eyes slowly came out of their trance and his head tilted to the left to look at Light.

"Light?" The detective had a look in his eyes that suggested he didn't quite believe what he was seeing.

"Erm… yes?"

L simply stared at him with a gaping mouth for awhile, before eventually flopping forward letting his head rest on his shins as his body folded in half.

Light watched his thin back go from ragged breaths to calmer, deeper ones.

"Are you okay, L?" Light spoke with caution.

Finally L sat up and spoke "Yes, Light-kun. I am better. I apologize, it seems I was having a nightmare."

Light noticed that the –kun at the end of his name was back. In some obscure way, it disappointed him to hear it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Light was too caught up in trying to figure out his strange emotions to realize how girly and stupidly intrusive that would sound to someone as suspicious as L.

"Ahh, forget it, sorry I just… let's get ready for work."

Light began to mumble nervous incoherent babble as he fidgeted with the sheets trying to free himself of their grasp.

L just stared at Light for a bit with a small eyebrow raise and an intense expression. Finally he grabbed the sheets and threw them off of their bodies easily.

Light just gave him an indignant look before beginning to get up and follow his morning routine.

As the day progressed, Light kept a careful eye on L. And L kept his determined eyes on his screen. Not once did he meet Light's scrutinizing gaze or speak with him. Light began to wonder if maybe he had done something wrong this morning. Or maybe even last night. He was so zombie-tired he could have chopped L's hair off and danced around with it for all he remembered.

As the day went on, L was emotionless and monotone, which wasn't much different from every other day, but it felt more forced today. Like he was trying to rein everything in but his feelings wanted to just burst from him.

And for L, that meant something was very very strange indeed.

L participated minimally in the discussions about Kira. It seemed even Kira was not enough to rouse him of his depression.

Light wondered, not for the first time, what his nightmare could have been about to produce such a profound effect on one of the strongest people he had ever met.

The look of pain on his face, the sweat, his glazed eyes… and at that time L had called him Light. No honorific whatsoever. He wasn't sure why the sound had stuck so hard in his mind. He just liked the way it rolled off of L's tongue even when he said it in a half asleep desperation. Which confused him in refreshingly frustrating ways

As the day progressed Light saw no signs of improvement. He waited impatiently for the day to pass and to finally get time alone with L so he could get some answers. Interesting how the tables had turned, but L was just acting too strange. Maybe not to the untrained eye, but Light had spent a lot of time watching L, which was a thought that left him too unsettled to dwell on for long, and he could recognize when things were not well in the detective's mind.

When L was in deep thought, his nose twitched a little, a bit like a rabbit, which reminded him of his earlier comparison and sent heat to his cheeks. When L was angry, he bit his thumb, but L bit his thumb a lot. But when he bit it when he was angry, it was to cover his lips that tightened and twitched just a bit. Light had yet to recognize what it looked like when the investigator was sad, but he was fairly certain the detective didn't feel sadness and if he did, then he had yet to feel it in his presence with Light. And on the rarest of rare occasions, Light _may _have seen it twice, the smallest upward lilt of L's mouth and the crinkles around his eyes showed the detective's happiness. Light remembered those moments like treasures, keeping them safe in his mind.

But L was far from his hinting smile at the moment. As the last of the team members left the room, Light finally let out a breath preparing himself for the time to confront L.

Light angled his chair toward L and looked to his mop of black hair. The detective was perched precariously on his chair as his long, nimble fingers flitted over the keys. His dark eyes stayed trained on the screen with absolute intensity but he was still at the exact same place in his document as he was 20 minutes ago.

Light sighed before rolling over toward L.

"Is there something I can help you with, Yagami-kun?"

Light recoiled with the sound of his surname from L's lips. What had he done to deserve his cold formality? But he continued on with his task. This new side of L had to stop.

"We need to talk." Light stated with a firm a tone as he could.

"Alright then, _Yagami-kun_, let's talk."

Light heaved in another unsteady breath as the snarling emphasis on his surname caused his chest to tighten, but he trekked on.

"L… I wanted to ask you…"

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><p>Oh hey look, there's a clif-AHHHHH! Hahaha. Keeps you coming back for more.<p>

Hahah okay, so I'd just like to say, Writer's Block has never hurt so bad. I've been working on this for months and it felt like typing through sand (metaphorically speaking of course, because that literally doesn't make ANY sense), and I really don't like it. But sometimes you just gotta write something bad. Hopefully I shall now be pulled out of the proverbial pit of suck (I'm going crazy on these metaphors today) and actually be able to make something out of this story. I also want to get started on some new ones, but stuff is stuff and it keeps me busy. But thank you to everyone who reads. And triple-thanks to those who review! Please tell me why I suck (constructive criticism, not because All Time Low is poopy or I write annoyingly long rambly author's notes), because I could definitely use some pointers. I also appreciate thoughts and questions about the story, so review away!


	2. I Need a Second to Catch My Breath

"What does it look like when you're sad?" Light blurted out.

He was given an eyebrow raise at that.

"I mean… um… well when you're concentrating your nose twitches, and when you.. um… you bite your thumb when your'e angry.."

He stuttered off at the sight of L's burning gaze. Light had absolutely no idea what had possessed him to say these things. He was contemplating suicide or at least seriously maiming himself to wriggle out from under L's glare, but at last L spoke.

"I wasn't aware Yagami-kun watched my person so closely."

Light did his best to focus on anything but L's words to stave off the heat creeping in his face.

"I would prefer if Yagami-kun would focus solely on the Kira case rather than wasting his time on childish musings."

Light turned back to his computer absorbing the words like a kick to the sternum.

Right. I'm an idiot. Why would L tell me about his feelings? Who cares about nightmares or changing names? Who cares about that damn detective?

Light reimmersed himself in his work and stubbornly gave no more thought to the ebony haired man.

L dug his toes into his chair as he stared at his computer screen sightlessly.

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><p>L gave no start whatsoever as Matsuda dropped his coffee mug for the third time that week. It was amazing that man could dress himself in the mornings.<p>

What did get his attention was the commotion that came afterwards.

Several detectives gave gasps of surprise and Light cried out. The detective turned a sharp gaze toward the source of the noise.

Matsuda, idiot that he was, had managed to spill scorching hot coffee all over Light's chest. Matsuda immediately apologized before running to the sink to wet a cold cloth and dash back to Light.

Light's smile was gracious, if not strained, as he forgave Matsuda.

L's attention began to recede but then he watched as Matsuda began unbuttoning Light's shirt.

His carefully-constructed apathy began to crumble with the magnitude of his rage.

What the _fuck_ was Matsuda doing? Did he think Light incapable of treating himself?

L watched, his body rigid, as Matsuda unbuttoned most of Light's shirt before pressing the cold cloth to the affected area of Light's chest, his hand resting over the boy's heart slightly tucked beneath his shirt.

L analyzed the other detectives' expressions to decide if his response was standard but they only seemed continually irritated by Matsuda's careless mistake and showed no other concerns.

Finally, after weeks of carefully avoiding his face, L allowed himself to check Light's reaction.

L was out of his chair faster than most would think him capable walking with purposeful strides toward the two men. The only hint to his anger the wicked clench of his jaw and the whiteness of his knuckles as he clenched his fists within his pockets.

"It seems Matsuda has once again caused a disturbance with his habitual ineptitude. If he would remove his hands from Yagami-kun's person so that he may go to the bathroom and properly treat his wound, you may return to your thoughtless bumbling about."

The detectives all stared at him, mouths agape at his harsh reproach.

"Let us go to the bathroom Yagami-kun." L said scornfully, carefully avoiding the boy's face so to not see the innocent pink of his cheeks left over from Matsuda's ministrations.

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><p>Once Light followed the wily detective into the bathroom, he was wary of what it was that he should do next. He knew he was to be dealing with his burn in some way, and it was stinging quite a bit, but he was apprehensive of L's intimidating anger.<p>

He saw L noticeably not biting his thumb, assumably due to Light pointing it out at that time.

L turned on Light, his expression irritated.

"Well, Light-kun, if you would…" he gestured to the medicine cabinet impatiently.

"Ah… right." Light tried to focus on finding a cloth and wet it and apply pressure as well as some antiseptic but he found it difficult to concentrate with so much else going through his mind.

_Light-kun. Light-kun. Light-kun. _He wanted to wrap himself in the sound, letting it blanket him until all he felt was it's warmth. Of course the return of his more familiar name was just another puzzle he could not understand from the detective's behavior. Along with his silence and then sudden animosity towards Matsuda.

Once he fumbled through treating his burn as best he could and rebuttoning his coffee-stained shirt, he looked to L to show his readiness to return to work. He found L already staring at him before giving a slight nod to signal his ascent to returning to the work room.

Light returned to his chair, his head abuzz with speculation.

Why was L behaving so oddly? Was it due to the Kira case? Would he return to his silence once again?

No. Light was fed up with L's ambiguity. He would find a way to get some answers from L, despite what it might cost his pride or his feelings.

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><p>I'm alive! Amazing, I know. Welp, I got the urge to look at some of my old stories and realized this one was still unfinished, I felt bad to leave y'all hanging in the dark, so I shall finish this one hopefully soon. This is just a short little chapter because it's late at night and I wanted to let people know I haven't entirely abandoned this story. Leave comments of criticism to let me know what you think or what you might want to see happen. Cheerio!<p>

**-LinkIsMyHero**


	3. Chapter 3

"L."

"L."

"L!"

"Yagami-kun, I am quite absorbed in my thoughts if you would please leave me be so that I may focus."

Light's brow crinkled with frustration.

"L, I think—"

"Unless of course Yagami-kun is purposely interrupting my concentration so that he may further put off apprehending Kira because Yagami-kun is said criminal."

Light rolled his eyes.

"Honestly L—"

"7%, Yagami-kun"

Light was quickly losing his patience.

"Goddammit L, just let me finish a sentence."

"Does Yagami-kun feel satisfied now that he has shouted and finished a sentence?"

Light grit his teeth knowing the detective was being intentionally insufferable to put off further questioning, but Light wouldn't give up his resolve so easily.

"Let's play a game L."

L, momentarily caught off guard, gave no snarky response to this.

"A truth game, if you will."

L was even more curious now. What could possibly be puzzling Light so much that he was willing to divulge his precious secrets?

He shrugged. What was the worst that could happen?

Light smiled an alarmingly sly smile.

"But there are ground rules. One, no questions about my origins, Watari's, my coworkers, or, of course, my name. Any other answers I feel that may be too confidential or sensitive I also hold the right to withhold."

Light nodded, agreeing to these terms.

"You may go first L." Light said with a sickly sweet voice.

"Are you Kira?" L shot out.

"No." Light replied with equal speed, already expecting the question.

"Light-kun is already lying, therefore what is the point of this game?"

Light sighed, trying to rein in some semblance of patience for the irritating detective.

"To the extent of my knowledge, I am not, nor have I ever been, Kira."

"That's because you forgot." L said flatly.

"Right. My turn."

L nodded his ascent.

Light contemplated his question carefully.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

This question was effective for a number of reasons. It was simple, easy to answer without feeling like the detective was giving too much away, and it was something Light had felt a nagging curiosity about.

The detective sat looking at Light as if trying to read a foreign language or decipher a puzzle before sighing and responding,

"Yes."

Light kept his blank expression in place as he tried to process his shock. It was better to not let anything show to the detective. But he barely resisted putting his hand to his chest as his heart thumped erratically within his ribcage.

Light nodded, acknowledging his answer while waiting for his own question in return.

The two men went back and forth with this for sometime, L trying to probe Light for answers on the Kira case, Light asking seemingly meaningless questions about L's interests and experiences.

"Have you ever seen the Eiffel Tower?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe there is a link between Kira and the recent mass of deaths due to heart attacks?"

"It's possible."

"What does it look like when you're sad? You never told me."

L seemed to take this question with cool composure (as he did with everything else), obviously knowing the more intrusive questions would come at some point.

"That is confidential." L said unflinching.

"That is not confidential L, it gives no information about your identity or background. I have been honest until this point, and it is only fair that you respond with honesty as well."

"It is so like Kira to be demanding fairness."

"Just tell me!" Light hissed.

"I do not know." L said resigned with a gentle lift of his shoulders.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Light said, his exasperation bordering on irritation.

"Displaying one's emotions through bodily gestures is something a person does unconsciously. If I was aware of these habits that revealed my emotions, do you believe I would continue them? Obviously I have no idea what I look like when I'm sad. I also do not have the vain habit of continuously checking my reflection in the mirror as Yagami-kun does."

"I wonder why." Light muttered under his breath in frustration. L shot him a look at this and Light was momentarily mortified at his petulance. What L must think of him! There was a short pause before L asked his next question.

"Does Light-kun find me attractive?" L drawled.

"_What?_" Light snapped.

"It is my turn to as Light-kun a question, and this is the question I pose to him."

"Why do you even care L?" Light sputtered, aghast with embarrassment. This was not how he saw L's response going.

"Why does Light-kun care what I wanted to be as a child? We are not required to dispense our motives behind questioning, only an answer is required. So, if you will Light…" L gestured to Light to indicate he was waiting.

Light's immediate thought was absolutely not. No way in Hell was he attracted to the creepy detective. His features too pale, his spine too crooked, his nose too large, his eyes too wide, but mostly, his personality too cold. Of course these only skimmed the surface of Light's thoughts on L. But with L in front of him scrutinizing him so intensely, there was no way to look deeper into that void of feeling.

"Umm…" Light murmured, doing his best to appear innocent and embarrassed, "Maybe. Er, that is, yea, I suppose I find you attractive L."

L's eyes flickered wider before narrowing. Interesting.

"I believe we agreed to not lie in this game Yagami-kun." L's tone was bleak, bordering on cold.

"I wasn't lying L! And what's with the constant switch in monikers L? Is there a reason you keep calling me Yagami-kun?"

L gave the approximation of a glare, as much as he could with his big eyes and generally apathetic disposition.

"And why should I answer Yagami-kun's question when he is no longer answering mine truthfully."

"If you were so certain of the answer, why bother asking me the question?" Light said impatiently.

"A test." L explained with exaggerated patience. As if L was stating something obvious like the sky was blue and Light had just bothered to realize this as well. "To gauge your willingness to tell the truth even if you found it inconvenient to your pride."

Light bristled at the challenge in L's voice.

"I lied. I do not at all find you attractive. Not in the least."

L nodded, accepting this answer with hardly a flicker on his face. He suggested Light ask his question, speaking again in the same monotone voice but it was almost a little off, more rushed and airy.

"I've already asked my question, L. What is the reason for you constantly changing the level of familiarity that you call me with?"

In response, L paused for what seemed like forever. His gaze lay on Light's hands. He then turned his chair directly toward Light. He slowly lifted his head from it's usual hunched curl and all Light saw was pale skin and fluffy tendrils of hair and suddenly there were globes of black fire grasping him, taking hold of his gaze, drowning him in their fathomless depths. Light didn't know how to escape the falling, it was as terrifying as it was amazing. Light was instantly grateful that this magic had never been used on him in an important context for he would surely show his hand when under their enchantment. Light began to wonder what the purpose of this exercise was, but a movement in another area of the pale moon face had him reeling out of his eyes only to be drawn in by the twitch of his lips

And the change was monumental. Where L's eyes were all secrets, and mystery, and shrouded darkness, his lips were hypnotizing in a warm sort of way, the only splash of color in his entirely grayscale appearance, the tinge of pink giving the only clue of life to his pallid skin. Their curve sinuous and sly, manipulative and enticing. Light watched them as though his life depended on it as they opened and formed around a word.

It came out like the whisper of a promise, as if it had been sitting quietly in L's mouth forever waiting to be set free .

"Light."

Light was overwhelmed with all the sensations in his body at the syllable. He tried inhaling a breath to steady himself, but found his lungs in less than working order. His heart seemed to have the opposite if equally distressing effect of pummeling through his chest like a race horse.

He tried to rein in his emotions as he knew they must be written all over his face.

L simply stared at the boy with his soft lips parted just slightly and his breath blowing out in small puffs. Light cursed his ridiculous body and the warmth spreading through his cheeks.

"Words…" L began, his lips curving around the words in a way Light had never seen before, "are the most powerful thing in the world. Names, I've found, are an especially useful tool when used with emotion."

Light would like to blame it on the recent influx of hormones raging through his young body, but he wasn't following L's point. When Light just stared back dumbly (though even flustered and slow, Light never looked dumb), L simply sighed.

"It is another test, of course, Yagami-kun. To determine your reaction to the level of familiarity I address you with."

Light grit his teeth thinking how miserably he had failed now that he understood. What an idiot he was! Here he was blushing over the ass detective's _lips _for God's sake when the man only ever thought about his tests and statistics.

Light sighed. He decided to give up on all pretenses of this "game" and flat out get to the original point of the whole bloody disaster that was this truth game.

"What's _wrong,_ L?" His voice was quiet and maybe a little sad. L felt a staggering sort of pain at the sound of it. It was a good thing Light had his shoulders hunched down, his head bowing toward the floor otherwise he might have noticed how off-balance it had thrown L. His whole manner screamed defeat and it was so very like Light, so ridiculously opposite of his character L didn't know what to deduce. It could very well be a ploy. Appearing to let his guard down in order to lure L into a false sense of security seemed to be the most reasonable option. Of course, that was it.

"Nothing is wrong Light-ku—"

"Nightmares."

"What was that?"

"You have nightmares L."

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><p>Hi everyone! Sorry for <em>another <em>cliffy ending but this is all I have right now and I feel bad for not updating in so long. I plan to finish this story but I'm not much into to DN anymore even if L and Light will always be my first babies. Tumblr has given me many more ships and AP English has given me some new perspectives on writing and woah is FF weird now. BUT I will finish! I promise! Anyways hope you enjoyed. Fave + comment!

**-LinkIsMyHero**


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